


Between Heaven and Hell

by LLReid



Category: Reigning Passions (Visual Novel)
Genre: Altadellys, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/F, Fantasy, Forbidden Love, Jealousy, Lysende, Magic, Multi, Pining, Royalty, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22876102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LLReid/pseuds/LLReid
Summary: Inspired by the songs; ‘Cold’ by Aqualung and Lucy Schwartz, and ‘Yours’ by Ella Henderson.~~~~~The girl was young, and so damn clever and amusing and wonderful. When she ascended the throne she wouldn't just change the world. She would start the world over. Wherever she was, there would be someone who would undoubtedly fall in love with her and who would want to make her their wife, and that would be the worst truth of all. It had snuck up on Xenia, this pain and terror and rage at the thought of anyone else with her. Every look, every word from her... she didn't even know when it had started, but it lingered beneath the surface all the same.
Relationships: Xenia of the Autumn/Lyrei Ararieth, Xenia of the Autumn/Ruelle of the Autumn (friendship), Xenia/Main Character (Reigning Passions)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Between Heaven and Hell

“You seem uncomfortable,” Xenia whispered. 

The Mistress of Spies had been standing close to Lyrei’s side all evening, as any good advisor to the rightful queen should, regardless of the fact there was a party happening around them. To all those who did not know the true nature of their relationship, their proximity would seem perfectly proper and professional. When they looked at them they would only see the future queen and her right hand — very few of the insufferable nobles had the social intelligence to be able to see more than that. People see only what they expect to see.

“I’m used to people staring at me because I’m different.” Lyrei shrugged and made an exasperated gesture towards her ears. “But I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to being stared at because I’ll soon become the queen.”

Xenia’s heart twinged. She, herself, was no stranger to stares and whisperings and rumours, but she also knew that to let them see that their words could cut, would be ensuring that she would never be free of the mockery. She understood how it felt to be treated more like an oddity than a person, to be judged before even opening her mouth by the aristocrats making merry before her eyes. The men, bearded, as ever. Mothers smiling, loving and protective of their kin, deadly to everyone else. The Warriors with swords on their hips, loyal to the one they believed to be the most powerful in the room. The Maids, beautiful and simple minded. The Crones, wizened and wise. And the future queen… the newcomer, ever the outcast, the wanderer from a far off backwater in the Winter Wilds, less and more than human, unknown and unknowable to all but a select few.

“Never forget what you are, my sweet girl, for the world will not. You must make all of the things that set you apart into your greatest strengths. Then they won’t ever be your weaknesses. If you armour yourself in it, it can never be used to hurt you.”

“When you play the game of thrones you win or you die. There is no end, the goal is just to stay in it as long as possible,” the future queen repeated, word for word, as Xenia had taught her. It was a hard truth to make peace with, but it was a necessary lesson that Lyrei had to learn before ascending the throne. Most of the aristocratic fools twirling around the ballroom around them would rather deny a hard truth than face it, people like them often claimed to hunger for truth, but seldom liked the taste when it was served up to them on their silver spoons. But not her Lyrei. The girl was nothing like her peers and the world would be better for it.

The Mistress of Spies nodded and gave her hand a squeeze whilst taking a long sip out of her wine glass. She wouldn’t dream of saying so out loud, but Lyrei had become so very dear to her heart. So dear. So dear that her heart was threatening to break at the fact she couldn’t ask her to dance, as they had shared two dances already and the heir sharing too many dances with anyone would only draw unwelcome attention. The girl’s affections were a matter of political significance, after all. But Xenia wondered, what was honour compared to a woman’s love? What was duty against the feel of one special person held in her arms... or the memory of all the little trysts they’d had in stolen moments? It was like wind and words. The pull she felt towards Lyrei felt so pure that it must’ve been fashioned by the gods themselves, there was no other explanation for it that Xenia would accept. That connection was her greatest glory and yet another great tragedy in her thirty-seven spans that had already been so marred by tragedies.

“Every flight begins with a fall. Everyone here will learn so soon enough,” she muttered.

“I know that power resides only where people believe it resides, but do you think I am carrying myself like a strong leader?,” Lyrei whispered, leaning in ever so slightly so no one could overhear. “Am I doing enough to seem like someone who knows what she’s doing?”

“None of us ever truly know what we are doing in any situation, Lyrei. There's no shame in uncertainty, what matters is how we face it. Do try not to worry so much, ofttimes it is the smallest people who cast the largest shadows.”

She gave the younger woman the most reassuring smile she was capable of giving her. The truth was, she felt just as uneasy as Lyrei did, despite the fact bringing her to Altadellys had been her scheme. She hadn’t originally intended to care for her at all, so the depths of her emotions had come as quite the surprise. Love was poison. A sweet poison, yes, but it was capable of killing all the same. Crowns did queer things to the heads beneath them, more often than not. She would never say so, but she was frightened of losing Lyrei — to someone who the court would deem a suitable suitor and the crown itself. To crown her was to kill her, the anxious voice in the back of her head screamed, but Xenia did her best to push it aside, to ignore its croning.

It seemed history was indeed doomed to repeat itself. It seemed Xenia had quite the talent for rising too high, loving too hard, and daring too much. She had tried to grasp a star once before, overreached, and had fallen. To do so once again, to have not learned her lesson, she was fully aware of how hypocritical and stupid it was... but she was well past the point of no return where the heir was concerned. They may have been as different as the sun and the moon, as night and day, but the same feelings flowed through both of their hearts. Lyrei needed her, as she needed Lyrei.

“Do you want to tell me what you’ve found out?,” Xenia prodded, in a half-hearted bid to keep herself from getting too close to Lyrei whilst they were in public. Talking about work seemed like the safest thing she could do. “You’ve danced with almost every Duke, Duchess, Prince, Princess, and Courtesan. Anything of note?”

“The odd looking one with the feathers is terrifying,” she cringed.

At that Xenia almost choked on her drink. Blunt as ever, her clever girl. “Hortensia.”

“She’s obsessed with Lyris.”

“I’m aware. What did she say to you?”

“She was talking about Lyris the whole time. I stopped listening eventually,” Lyrei shrugged. “Should I banish her? I should probably banish her before she snaps and murders someone, shouldn’t I? Would anyone really miss her?”

An amused smirk worked its way onto Xenia’s face, and she saw no reason to fight it when she was, in fact, highly amused. “When you are Queen you can do whatever you like.”

The redhead smirked right back at her. “Is that you subtly telling me that nobody would object if I’d to have someone push her off the edge of the city?”

She took a long, pointed sip of her wine, never breaking eye contact. “Perhaps.”

“She is the most foolish person I have ever met.”

“I don’t disagree, she is a fool, but she is also dangerous. The greatest fools are ofttimes far more clever than the men who laugh at them. She has killed people, Lyrei.”

“What were they doing that she had to kill them for?” 

“Asking questions,” Xenia sighed. “You must promise me you will always be cautious around her. That you will guard your heart, mind, and words in her presence. She is never to be underestimated.”

Lyrei blinked and stayed silent for a couple of seconds, merely studying the gravity behind the expression painted across Xenia’s face. One look at her face through Lyrei’s eyes was all that was needed to convey exactly how serious she was. The heart lies and the head plays tricks with us, but the eyes always manage to see true.

“A truly clever woman would never make an enemy of a queen.”

“Promise me,” she prodded.

“Alright... I promise.” Lyrei sighed. “But when you lay down in a nest of snakes, does it truly matter which one of them bites you first? Everyone in this room is dangerous.”

“Some more than others.” An audible sigh of pure relief escaped from the back of Xenia’s throat before she could prevent it. “You must always keep people like her confused. If they are never completely certain who you are beneath the pomp and ceremony, or what you want, they cannot know what you are likely to do next — which means they can never get ahead of you.”

“How do I do that exactly? I’ve never been great at lying.”

“I’m not telling you to lie, sweet girl. In fact, it is better that you don’t lie unless you must, and even then a lie of omission would serve you far better than an outright ruse. You must remember that the best lies of all are always seasoned with a bit of truth,” she instructed. “However, the best way to baffle your foes is to make moves that they can’t understand, that seem to have no purpose, or even seem to work against you. Remember that when you’re playing the game.”

“You speak of ruling like its a game of chess—“

“Because that’s precisely what court life is. In Altadellys there are two sorts of people; the players and the pawns. Proving yourself the heir was one thing, actually ascending to your rightful position is another. You will soon find out that actually sitting the throne is far more difficult than winning it — winning a throne is the easiest thing in the world.”

“Please try not to worry about me so much.”

“I worry because I care. Gods help me, I know I shouldn't, but I do. So I will always tell you to be careful, because I will always care what happens to you,” she whispered.

Lyrei nodded and when she spoke, her voice was far thicker with emotion than Xenia was expecting, “You know I’d ask you to dance with me, if I could without people suspecting. Right?”

“Yes, my sweet girl. I know.”

“It doesn’t make any difference to me how other people see you or what they think. It’s never made any difference to me when it came to you. I’d still pick you. I’ll always pick you.”

Against her better judgement she reached out and tucked a stray strand of ginger hair behind the adorable pointed ears Lyrei hated so much, allowing her fingertips to brush against the shell of it in a way that would be construed platonic or professional in no one’s eyes had they to be watching them. She just couldn’t help herself. The girl was intoxicating. Utterly intoxicating. She had not been born wealthy, despite now being the wealthiest of the wealthiest. In the world as Xenia had seen it, no woman grew as kindhearted as Lyrei with gold lining their pockets. Talking about work had done very little to distract herself from her inappropriate thoughts, if anything it had actually made her want to grab her and kiss her all the more. Those lips were made to be kissed by her, often and well.

“What are you thinking?,” Lyrei pressed.

“I look at you and feel like I’m dying. Like I can’t breathe. I’m thinking that I want you so badly I can’t concentrate half the time I’m around you, and this room is too crowded for me to properly bed you,” she replied, boldly.

The heir giggled and a fierce blush rose to her face, tinting her pink all the way to the tips of her ears. “Oh?”

“And that even when we’re apart, I’ll be with you every step of the way. And every step after — wherever that may be and wherever that may lead.”

“I’ll be with you, too, Xenia. To whatever end.”

Xenia smiled. “To whatever end.”

“Your majesty,” the familiar and yet highly irritating voice drew Xenia from her train of thought. Prince Tristan of the Summer was walking towards them. Arrogant. Cocky. Deserving of a fist or two to the face.

“Not one step closer!,” Ruelle growled, materialising in the space between Lyrei and Prince Tristan with her daggers drawn. The long blades gleaming in the candlelight as if she'd been secretly polishing and caring for them for the duration of the evening. The ever dutiful bodyguard took her responsibilities very seriously... and in that moment Xenia had never been prouder of her.

The Summer princeling seemed so genuinely startled by the oddball Autumn princess wielding daggers in his face that Xenia had to take a long sip out of her wine glass in an attempt to stop herself from laughing out loud.

“Relax, Ruelle,” Lyrei smirked. “There is no need for murder.”

“I wasn't going to kill him!”

“Mhm. Of course you weren’t. I’m sure His Highness was just trying to ask me to dance. Would that be right, Tristan?”

“Yes, your majesty,” the prince said, bowing deeply at the waist. “I would be honoured if you would agree to share the next dance with me.”

“The honour is mine, your highness,” Lyrei replied curtly. She was lying through her teeth. She hated him. She’d have had no objections to Ruelle slitting his throat with those god forsaken daggers, were they anywhere else but a crowded ballroom.

“I’ll be watching you, princeling,” the bodyguard hissed. Ruelle begrudgingly stepped aside so that Lyrei could take the prince’s outstretched hand. A scowl was painted across her face and her arms folded across her chest like a petulant child. There was not much that irritated her more than a fight that was dispelled before she’d even thrown her first punch. “Try anything and you will meet the business end of my daggers.”

“N...noted,” Tristan stammered.

“We will continue our discussion later, Mistress Xenia,” Lyrei said, holding still for a moment as the prince began to lead her away. Aqua eyes were locked on hers, an unspoken and unwarranted apology lingering in her piercing gaze.

“As you wish, my queen,” Xenia said, whilst dipping into the customary curtsy that was only proper when addressing a woman of Lyrei’s station. The girl never would’ve asked her to do it, in fact, she hated the curtsying and title when it came from Xenia. However, Xenia knew that the moment she ceased to stick to proper protocols their relationship would be exposed and Lyrei would bear the brunt of the inevitable backlash.

Lyrei nodded, her gaze lingering on Xenia for only a moment as Tristan lead her away and the Mistress of Spy’s heart clenched. 

It should have been her. It should have been her feeling Lyrei’s warm breath on her neck, whilst she rested her cheek against her red hair. It should have been her heart beating quickly and it should have been her feeling so completely and utterly calm as to be almost serene — thinking that she could’ve stayed in the moment forever with Lyrei in her arms and not bothered about anything else, feeling so peaceful that she could’ve let the world crumble to ash around them. She pictured them dancing, Lyrei’s body pressed against hers and their fingers intertwined, she pictured her holding her despite the invisible barrier between them. 

It should have been her. Not Tristan.

The girl was young, and so damn clever and amusing and wonderful. When she ascended the throne she wouldn't just change the world. She would start the world over. Wherever she was, there would be someone who would undoubtedly fall in love with her and who would want to make her their wife, and that would be the worst truth of all. It had snuck up on Xenia, this pain and terror and rage at the thought of anyone else with her. Every look, every word from her... she didn't even know when it had started, but it lingered beneath the surface all the same.

She wanted so badly to say that she was done with politics and intrigue. She loved her and she knew that love was reciprocated, even if it had never been said aloud. She wanted so badly to say that no empire, no nobles, and no earthly fear would keep her from Lyrei. No, if they even tried to take her from her, she'd rip the world apart with her bare hands to keep her. And for some reason, the thoughts didn't terrify her as they should have. She knew allowing herself to indulge in thinking such poisonous thoughts was useless, but at that moment in time she hadn’t the inner strength to stop it.

She did, however, have to remind herself that Lyrei was not becoming anything different from what she always was and always had the capacity to be. The Queen and the scruffy barmaid she’d found in the wilds were one in the same. She just finally saw everything at once, now. And now that she was able to see every other part of her… she couldn’t pick and choose what parts of her to love. Just as she couldn’t pick which parts of her to accept.

She stared at Lyrei, watching as she waltzed with the Prince. Even from the other side of the packed ballroom she knew her thoughts were of her. Even from her distance, she could see the blush upon her cheeks and the way her eyes lingered on her over Tristan’s shoulders. It made her chest ache. Still, she watched, watched until the pain became too much to bear and her wine glass became empty.

“What are you doing?,” Ruelle asked, quietly.

“What?”

Her assistant didn’t raise her voice as she said, “To Lyrei. What are you doing that makes her walk away from you with such emptiness in her eyes? Why will the two of you not stop playing these games?”

“That’s none of your concern,” Xenia replied, dismissively.

Ruelle pressed her lips into a tight line. She was a young woman of few words and uncommonly strong feelings for one who, outwardly, presented herself so coldly. “What do you see when you look at her, Mistress?”

Xenia gulped. When she looked at Lyrei she saw her whole world, but how could she explain that? She didn’t know. More and more, she felt like she didn’t know a damn thing. “That’s none of your concern, either.”

Ruelle sighed and ran a hand through her teal coloured hair. “She is slipping away, bit by bit, as are you, because neither of you will admit just how far this... thing... between you has gone. You shove each other down when you so desperately need to help each other back up.”

Xenia grabbed another glass of wine from a waitress passing by with a tray and took two long gulps from it. Ruelle rarely said more than a handful of words, yet when she did speak her words always seemed to ring truer than anyone else’s in the room. “As for Lyrei," she said, "I don’t have the right to wish she were not who and what she is. To wish her not to become who she was born to be — to become queen. Nor do I have the right to ask her to be with me publicly and endanger herself and all of Lysende in the process. The only thing I have the right to do is decide whether I am her enemy or her protector — and I will protect her for as long as I draw breath.”

For so long Xenia had believed herself to be nothing more than a creature of grief and dust and darkness, playing the role that others had assigned to her. For spans there had been little more than a vast empty place within her where her heart had lived, once. But no longer. Her life was still a poor and misshapen thing, but it was Lyrei’s. Until her last breath Xenia would belong to her. She’d be anything, go anywhere, do anything the girl asked her to. For so long she’d seen everything, but had been part of nothing that she considered to be spectacular or special. It was just her luck that now she had that special thing hovering just beyond her reach, but it would never truly be hers. The queen could never publicly claim herself Xenia’s, no matter how much she wanted to.

The Spy’s nights were always lit by distant stars and the shimmer of moonlight on her lover’s skin, but every dawn she woke to darkness. Knowing that they each must deny the magic they made behind closed doors. Knowing that their lives depended on it. Some were bound by vows and some by blood, but they were bound by the crown. Trapped in a gilded cage. 

Xenia knew that each and every person within the gilded cage must choose. Prince and Princess, Duke and Duchess, Lord and Lady, Mistress of Spies and Queen, and everyone in between. Each of them faced a choice. Light or darkness. Good or evil. Heart or duty. She’d known since the moment she figured out who she was, whilst Lyrei Ararieth would always choose her, the Queen could not. 

\- fin.


End file.
